Bad Things, Good Things
Let the bad reveal the good
You probably know the saying by Mark Twain: “Some of the worst things in my life never even happened.” As the French would say: c’est un bangér. I would take it a step further: “Some of the worst things in my life not only happened, but made my life better.” (Cloyingly positive, yes, I know. Emphasis on some.)
Let’s put death and violence and all those really bad things off to one side for a moment and just look at garden-variety bad things. These are the kinds of problems we encounter every day and sometimes every day for years on end. Some of them are, admittedly, quite large, complicated, vexing, and deeply troublesome. These are the kinds of problems that range from mild annoyance to tearful, full-blown meltdowns. Every person you know has these problems. Your mom has these problems. Your best friend has these problems. That guy you hate has these problems. Life can often feel like one of these problems after another.
I want to discuss this without disclosing my own problems because (a) boring and (b) I don’t want to say, really. Despite what I do, I do remain a fairly private person and, to put it bluntly, I don’t think reckless self-disclosure is necessarily indicative of good writing—or even vulnerability—though many conflate them. So we can keep it general, for the sake of the argument. I’ve been dealing with some health issues for the last nine months—I’ll be fine—that have really got me thinking about this whole “gratitude” thing. There are plenty of other problems in my life, too. You name it, I got it over here. I would guess you do, too.
Ok, that was a long windup. Here’s the case I’m going to make: when Garden-Variety Bad Things happen, they reveal Good Things, better paths, eternal truths. Missing your train tells you something. A bad meal tells you something. A breakup tells you something. An embarrassing failure tells you something. And it’s not telling you “My Life Sucks.”
The most obvious lesson behind missing your train is that you need to be more punctual. But if you’re always missing your train, maybe you are under too much pressure, too caught up in your thoughts to even focus enough on where you’re going. Repeated mild inconveniences, when thoroughly examined, can reveal interesting patterns and truths. Maybe you were on time for your train, but the train left early, causing you to miss it. You still feel bad or guilty for this. Maybe you should examine that feeling: why do I feel guilty for things that are clearly not my fault and have nothing to do with me? I don’t know, but same.
A bad meal maybe tells you that you shouldn’t go to that particular restaurant anymore. But maybe it whispers to you that you could make it better at home if you put in the effort. And maybe you should. Maybe you should struggle in your tiny studio apartment kitchen through the prep, the cooking, and the cleanup to really appreciate the luxury of dining out. Or maybe you should go through all of that just for the joy and sense of accomplishment that is a warm loaf of banana bread. Maybe next time you add chocolate chips and fully transcend your earthly body.
Next is breakups. Breakups are tough. But breakups are always good news. Do you want to be with someone who didn’t meet you where you are or is incapable of meeting you where you’re going? Do you want to be with someone who does not want to be with you? No. Good news. Now the right person can find you.
An embarrassing failure serves all kinds of wonderful purposes if you can get past the initial thought of well, I’m never doing that again. It humbles you: maybe I need to put in more work. I’m just not there yet. It toughens and strengthens you: I am not afraid to try. I am not afraid to be seen trying. It exalts you: I am bigger than my failures. I am free to try again and again and again. Eventually, I will succeed.
Bad things happen in our lives every day, all the time. Often our first thought is how we wish we could have the good things instead. The good things rush into our minds with vivid clarity: isn’t it so good when the train is on time, when the dinner is delicious, when we are held in a loving, committed relationship, when we not only succeed, but triumph. It is so good. When we experience The Bad, we see The Good so clearly in our minds and can start to move towards it.
Every so often, you’ll look up from your desk and find yourself surrounded by bad things, ugliness, and lies. Good, I say. Bad things steer us towards good things, ugliness helps us appreciate beauty, falsehoods ignite the search for truth. Wrong things move out of our lives to reveal the right things just around the corner. Every bad thing is a merely a problem that has a good solution. If I think hard about it, every bad thing in my life has guided me to something better, something I could never foresee.
In a word, this is gratitude. I am grateful for the all the good things in my life, the things I take for granted, the things I often overlook. I am also grateful for the bad things that remind me of those good things and set me firmly on the path of pursuit.
