Much of life comes down to the vibe. And, almost by definition, vibes, essences, and auras are hard to define. The shadings are extremely subtle. What follows is a vibe I’ve been sucked into like a vortex, and I’ve been calling it Literary Woman Winter (or Lit Woman Winter, for short).
I think this phenomenon started for me this past August when I grew so fed up—almost disgusted, honestly—with the spectacle of social media and so-called “entertainment.” Not only did literally everything I saw feel like an ad, but nothing even piqued my interest. Entertainment ceased to entertain me. It’s like I went full circle, like I had watched everything there was to watch, and I suddenly found myself at the end of what I thought was an endless timeline. (See related: Everyone is numbing out.)
What’s a woman to do when the adult pacifier of social media and entertainment actually loses its appeal? Read a book? Yes, lol, as it turns out. In August, I started reading again for real. I’ve always loved reading, but I didn’t have the time—or so I thought—to crank through full books on a regular basis. I was just dipping my toes in here and there. I was bored with everything else, so I started to find the time, and it had a striking effect on me. I started writing fiction again, page after page, story after story. The world started to feel simultaneously more alive and more tranquil to me. I internalized this, which resulted in feeling more at peace: more invested in my life while also being less attached to the outcomes.
This experience reminded me that reading is the main way to expand your mind as an adult. Media consumption simply does not cut it. If you want to separate yourself intellectually from your peers, develop serious interests and passions, feel calmer and more collected, have deeper, more interesting conversations, and rarely feel bored, you have to read. (Books, by the way. Not Instagram captions, not Twitter, not product recommendations from The Cut. Books.)
Our lives are so tragically short, and the only way to live other lives is through reading. Podcasts, YouTube videos, Netflix documentaries, TikTok—these are fun distractions, occasionally interesting, but you won’t retain the information the way you will with a book. When you are the one seeking the knowledge, it hits different. And the whole process kind of softens you (in a good way). It makes you more aware of others and their perspectives, more contemplative, more observant, more in tune with your feelings.
So, Lit Woman Winter started out as kind of a Reading-Core/Library-Mode thing for me, but it’s really more about being present while also yearning while also being vulnerable. There’s an ideal attitude I’m getting at, and it’s hard to define, but it encompasses kindness, gentleness, good will, sensitive understanding, and self-respect.
With all that said, here are 22 things that I’ve been digging that feel spiritually aligned with this vague-ish concept of Lit Woman Winter.
Books that are thicc
As stated above, reading is arguably the #1 activity for Lit Woman Winter. You gotta get stuck into a thicc novel this winter. You gotta get yourself a chonky boy. The best place to do this is in New York, in my opinion, is at The Strand, where you can find basically every book ever written in new or lightly-used condition. I just started Middlemarch by George Eliot (799 pages) and so far it’s awesome. (Please note that I am 45 pages in lol.)
PSA: If you’re a subscriber and you refer just two (2) friends to my newsletter, you’ll receive My Personal Reading List—a curated list of 10 books, stories, and essays—automatically in your inbox.
Being happy for other people (especially if they get what you want)
Pretty easy, actually. Celebrate your friends and their accomplishments. Take them out for martinis to celebrate a promotion, send that friend who just got engaged some flowers. Your time will come, and hopefully they’ll do the same for you.
Helmut Lang f/w 2001
Old Helmut Lang is so slept on it’s kind of absurd. So cool. So smart. So wearable. So New York. The absolute best. At first glance, you might think these clothes are kind of boring, but if you saw someone wearing any of these outfits on the street it would stop you dead in your tracks.
The color brown
Everyone gets the appeal of black clothes, black makeup, etc. But brown is kind of like the softer, warmer, syrupy version of black. Brown is a nice vibe. My hair is very light blonde, and I had the realization recently that black mascara might look kind of harsh on me during the day (?). And then I started using brown mascara and I loved it. And then I started questioning the color black in general. I mean, you can pry my black clothes out of my cold, dead hands, but brown is the moment for me.
Coffee shop/Barnes & Noble indie music from the early 2000s
Most would say this kind of music is “lame,” and they would be wrong. Take a listen back to the music that made you emotional when you were in your teens. Guaranteed it still hits. For me, this was like… Coldplay, Elliott Smith, and The Killers. Just thinking about these bands make me so nostalgic for my iPod </3
I recently listened to “Let Go” by Frou Frou and “Babylon” by David Gray and I was transported. Also, Creed is incredible, I don’t care what people say. “My Sacrifice” and “Higher” are masterpieces.
Cultivating an inner sanctum of quiet strength
This is the inner emotional state of Lit Woman Winter. This is an excerpt from my referral reward guide on How to Make the Most of Your 20s:
Creating an inner sanctum of quiet strength is easier said than done. This is about forcing yourself to be strong when you want to be hysterical. Your 20s can be really, really hard. You’ll probably get some terrible news at some point (I hope not, but life can really suck sometimes), you’ll probably have some serious drama to deal with, you’ll probably be jealous of your friends, or people you see online. Jealousy is actually a useful tool, because it helps us identify and reckon with our own desires (not all of them good!). Take time to recognize the things that are going right for you, don’t focus on all the things that are going wrong. Allow the bad things to guide you toward the good things (more on this here). Resilience is a terrific quality to possess. Start building your resiliency now. A little “I’ll show them!” can jumpstart this process, but eventually you’ll learn that it’s less about showing them, and more about showing yourself.
Men who look like Keanu Reeves in The Matrix
Hot. Men: take note, this is it. Big sweaters, buzz cuts, suits.
Pink eyeshadow
Beige eyeshadow does absolutely nothing for me??? Pink is so brightening and pretty and still looks natural. And you can be kind of messy with it.
Being in a mood at The Met
Museums, libraries, softly-lit cocktail bars. This is the natural habitat of Lit Women this winter. There’s one gallery in particular that I recommend, which is Gallery 771 in the American Wing at The Met. Here you will find several works by John Singer Sargent, one of my favorite painters. My favorite painting at The Met is probably The Wyndham Sisters. It’s Pride & Prejudice, Mr. Darcy, heaving bodices, etc. Gorgeous.
The Met is also an underrated Saturday night date spot. I recently discovered that you can get prosecco and other cocktails near the American Wing, and I don’t know what it is, but theres something really fun about being tipsy in a museum.
Beauty marks
Recently I’ve taken to drawing over the beauty marks on my face with a waterproof eyebrow pencil. If you do this on top of your other makeup, it really makes your skin look super fresh. I don’t draw on anything that’s not there already, it’s more about highlighting the freckles and moles I already have. Idk, something to it.
Headbands
All kinds. Cute, functional, good for reading. Also sexy.
Not posting
Just not the vibe for me right now.
Ulla Straus, Big Room
I listen to this a lot when I’m working or reading. It’s that perfect kind of ambient album where you can unconsciously listen to it and it slowly wraps you up, or you can listen intently to every detail. Beautiful both ways.
Goat cheese, honey, and red pepper flakes on lightly-toasted sourdough
The perfect no-cook winter breakfast. I get my sourdough bread from Librae in Cooper Square. I just tried their lemon curd babka and marmite and cheddar pastry and both were divine.
Wearing your man’s clothes
Not “boyfriend style jeans” that are made for women. I mean stealing his actual boxer shorts, his actual jeans, his actual jackets, his actual t-shirts. Something about this look always works for me.
White undies
Innocent, fresh, pretty. Black lingerie is expected, white lingerie is a bit of a surprise. And like black, white is universally flattering.
Creams, oils, and unguents
It’s getting colder each day, and my usual Dove bar soap is drying me out. I recently started using this L’Occitane Shower Oil and it’s so nice and moisturizing. It has a very cozy, sensual smell, idk how else to describe. Also a thick body moisturizer that comes in a tub or a jar and stays in place if you turn it upside down. This one from Nécessaire is so good and has lasted me a long time.
So-called pretentious taste
You can subscribe to The Paris Review. Your favorite novel can be Anna Karenina or Ulysses. You can know a lot about art or fashion or music or film or whatever without experiencing shame or dumbing yourself down. Too much has been said against people with refined interests and not enough in their defense. Deep knowledge of something demands not only the hard work of prolonged study, but also a certain humility as the starting point.
Buying vintage as a rule
Brand new stuff looks ostentatious and weirdly lame to me these days. I want stuff to be a little worn-in, a little scratched, a little wobbly, a little wabi-sabi. Clothes, home decor, office—everything.
Making out
Self-explanatory.
Romanticizing the winter season
You need to be Making Merry this season. You need to be cozymaxxing. You need to be snuggling. You need to be going on dimly-lit dinner dates at Italian restaurants. You need to make the hell out of a pecan pie this Thanksgiving (using a recipe with corn syrup). Get special flannel sheets for winter. (PSA: Pottery Barn is kind of killing it this year with the Christmas Shop.) Hang mistletoe. Read by candlelight. Buy your lover a chonky boy novel with a love note written inside the front cover. Buy your girlfriend some gorgeous jewelry for Christmas. Better yet, propose to her.
Being at peace
I didn’t accomplish everything I wanted to this year. That’s okay. I’m at peace with it. I’m incredibly lucky, I’m so blessed, and I have so much to be thankful for. If we think deeply about it, each of us has an infinite number of reasons to be happy, and in winter, we have the time and space to cherish them.