loved this!!! obviously many reasons to critique the dominance of smartphones in our lives, but a big one is that they often kill the FLIRTATIOUS ENERGY and EXCITEMENT of life!!! things should be spontaneous and fleeting and unrecorded and unverifiable from time to time!! let life be lived in the moment instead of recorded live and overanalyzed later!
"You know what, maybe I go to a restaurant and it’s bad. Maybe I don’t know what’s good on the menu before I get there." This is what i dislike so much about the internet. My husband will google the band setlist before we get to the concert and it INFURIATES me. I will be like "dont tell me!" 🙉🙈 I want just the smallest amount of surprise and delight or disappointment that isn't manipulated via the magical device of opinions, reviews, and preconceived notions.
Yes - this 100%! I recently wrote a newsletter about my frustration with everybody wanting travel tips, which stores to shop in, which restaurants to eat at, which sights to see... Go experience for yourself!!
This is how I feel about travel. I once drove all the way across the country and back with a thin book of paper maps and one guide to roadside attractions. I went to Turkey for a month with a Let's Go guide, and then half way through we lost the guide, so we just rolled into each town and asked people what we should do when we got there. You had 2-3 rolls of film and you'd get maybe 10 usable photos out of it. Now when I travel every element is assessed to make sure it's got the highest rating and we're maximizing every moment and not wasting time with marginal activities and the result is that if every moment isn't a 10/10 it's kind of disappointing. And of course everything must be documented, every picture enhanced, and everything curated and captioned. There's magic in just half-assing things sometimes.
Well, that was an interesting take on a life that I surely missed out on. I mean, I totally missed the bus on that. I STILL don't have a phone. The closest I get to the dopamine rush everyone talks about is what I find here. By not having a phone, people have asked me, what do you do in an emergency? Well, what constitutes an emergency? A flat tire? I get out and fix it, because I know how. I don't have to Google it. If your car breaks down? I Hitchhike to the nearest garage?
Never having had a phone, I've never had to deal with the angst. I see people on transit, and out of the ten I see, seven are on their phones, one is napping, and two are reading books, or doing the daily crossword. I sit and people watch. I daydream. I work on snatches of dialogue in my head and try to hold onto them until I get home and can type them into my story. I look at the river as we cross the bridge; I watch children playing in the park, they're parents on their phones and ignoring them while I think to myself they are missing the greatest part of life: Their own children.
It's not that my life is easier without a phone. Sure, it would be easier in a lot of different ways. But why do I have to scroll through my day reading a screen, when I could be reading a book, or writing a book, or simply just sitting on a bench watching the waves roll in? If WW3 breaks out, and they launch the nukes, everyone that has a phone is going to panic. All hell is going to break loose. But me, I'll be walking on the beach, look up and say, Wow, check out that bright flash. The end.
"If WW3 breaks out, and they launch the nukes, everyone that has a phone is going to panic. All hell is going to break loose. But me, I'll be walking on the beach, look up and say, Wow, check out that bright flash. The end."
It’s really funny. Addiction is addiction, right? I was just talking to my son about it tonight, saying that we didn’t want to get him a Nintendo when he was a kid, because we thought he was too young. But my brother-in-law comes over and gives him one while we’re at work, and that was all she wrote. He couldn’t even read, and he was playing the games. My son said: People are just looking for the dopamine hit every time they look at their phones. You’re never gonna beat that.
And I guess he’s right. I’d probably be the same if I had one, which is why I don’t want one. I think that’s the difference. I can recognize that it’s a trap for most people, and so stay away from it. We all have our addictions, though. People can’t control the phone addiction because it has too much to offer. Movies? A guy at work used to watch movies all day. Games? 6:00 am and another guy is playing “Angry Birds,” to kill the time. Encyclopedias; books; videos; music. Needless to say, the genie is out of the bottle.
People go for walks, they take their phones; they lay on the beach, their phone is beside them; go out for dinner, phones on the table beside the dessert spoon. I don’t know if there is an answer. We’re a generation that's wired into the Net.
I asked my daughter and son-in-law, considering the advances in science and engineering, do they feel there could be a colony on the moon in their lifetime? A colony in which children are actually born on the moon. They are both in their thirties. I was 11 when they landed on the moon. My neighbour was that old when the Wright brothers flew the first manned flight in 1903.
They said yes. So that kid looking at his phone all day on his holiday break? Who am I to say it’s wrong, when he could be the one that solves whatever techno question the world faces in forty years from now…like how to make gravity work in a Lunar Colony?
But maybe, just maybe, this next generation coming up will recognize that having an iPhone when you’re ten is maybe a little young. “It’s for safety, so they can be in touch all the time.” As a kid, who the Hell wants that? NOT having a phone would be freeing. Maybe the next generation will tell themselves that kids need to be kids, like they used to be in the “olden days.”
It’s becoming quite terrifying. Increasingly, I see people out walking dogs and simultaneously staring at their phones. I see people walking with their children, or pushing pushchairs down the pavement and looking at their phones. Something I’ve noticed recently is that more and more people, when they talk on the phone in public, leave the speaker on. It used to be that they would hold the phone to their ear, then maybe that they would’ve used had a headphone of some sort but now it’s like people are oblivious to the outside world entirely. Will the next generation see things differently? I think you’re optimistic. The next generation is the one that will have no memory at all of how things were in those prelapsarian, analog times. No way back for them, I fear…
You’ve proven not having a phone has many perks, but you’ve also shown, albeit unwittingly, that it certainly isn’t modesty. All jokes aside, I think you’re doing it the right way. I’m in a similar position.
As someone who was in her late teens/early 20s at that time, I can confirm that it was a sexy, heady time to be running around and I often think back to this period specifically. I clearly remember when and where I was when I was learning how to text on my flip phone, but still loved going to my apartment to listen to my message machine. Cell phones were a luxury then, similar to an appliance like a dishwasher. You still had the desire to go out and make contact with other people and press your flesh against someone once in a while.
Whoever desires what is not gone? No one. -so wrote Anne Carson I believe. Something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. How Eros depends on distance, and we are somehow both suffocatingly close to everybody and yet far apart, but not in a way that creates desire. Loved the “Roman emperor” line.
Titanic has been added to Netflix and I watched it last night for the first time in 25 years. Consequently, the all-seeing algorithm immediately suggested a video titled 'All Deleted Scenes' on Youtube. The compilation includes an alternative ending, where Mr. Lovett catches Rose in action before she is about to drop the diamond into the ocean. It's a very poignant scene and it would've made for a beautiful ending if this was Mr. Lovett POV story. Rose then tells him when he desperately wishes to stop her hand from throwing the diamond in the water: "You look for treasure in the wrong place, Mr. Lovett. Only life is priceless. And making each day count. " If the latter is the homage to Jack's line and 'meet me at the clock' scene, then 'Only life is priceless' is definitely Rose's theme in this whole movie, from her upbringing to being saved by Jack and making a life for herself without Cal's money.
I fear everyday that we'll irrevocably mistake the recording of our lives by any digital means available with a physical act of living it.
Mr. Lovett lets go and asks Rose's granddaughter to come dance with him once the spell has been broken and he’s watched the longest quest of his life disappear before his eyes, forever.
I deleted instagram maybe a month ago for this exact reason. Currently loving it, if I get the urge to check I bring it up on my iPad and put on a 20 minute timer. My friends text me things they want to actually show me, life is good :)
I’d say phones/social media make us extremely anxious in dating as well. You shouldn’t freak out when a guy/girl doesn’t text you back and you see them active on IG?? maybe they just want some peace/alone time lol. It’s given us too much access to people. We used to be able to only reach our crushes by calling their house phone and leaving a VM if they weren’t home. If they were home, THEN you can talk. Now I’m seeing everything you’re doing on your IG story. I know so much about you without even having a conversation lol. It’s weird.
My lord the amount of quotables in this post... ‼️Thank you so much for writing such an incredible piece. The negative, far reaching consequences of "always on, always instant internet gratification" is horrifying. And I am part of the problem! There's "always something" I can be on my phone for under the guise of "I need to get this done, or look this up" etc. Sigh. This is the kind of article that sticks with you, and I am committed to practicing living LIFE through the lens of the here and now, unknowns and all, NOT through my screen. 💛
The quotes, yes! So many lines hit JUST right for me and articulated what I've been thinking on in the back of my head for a while now. Saving this to re-read again for sure.
I miss just going to a movie or renting one and judging it on my own merits, not whether it was recommended to me or had an aggregate score of 98% on a review site. Buying an entire album and listening to the whole thing, whether it was terrible or not, actually figuring out which songs I enjoyed, not what Spotify put on my playlist, and not skipping to another band, since that was all the new music I had til my next paycheck. I just miss the annoying things that made me appreciate the good things, whether I knew it or not. You’re right- it all feels so… boring.
I have struggled with trying to explain why things seemed better when we didn’t have access to everything and have the knowledge of everything at our fingertips. I remember once in the late 80s I read about a band in Thrasher magazine (who exactly is lost in time) and they sounded great but I knew there was no radio station in my town that would play that kind of music and there was no music store where I lived that would sell that kind of music. I had no way of ever hearing that band.
That is of course unless I did some real research, maybe write a letter to the magazine or found out which label put out the band’s cassette and then I could take the leap and pay the $7.99 and see what it was all about myself. That sort of research and risk is completely gone at this point.
Nice article, I think you’re putting into words what may be coming around the corner for a lot of us who’s longing for a little simpler time keeps getting stronger every day.
Honestly had not thought of this particular angle, but, yeah you are so right. Definitely here for less scrolling, more wanderlust. Less internet rabbit holes and more just being in the present moment.
This week alone I’ve come across a Tweet and a few YouTube videos of people transitioning to “dumb” phones. I suppose it’s a sign 🫣 Constantly juggling between wanting to digitally document my lived experience, network, put myself there (read: perform?), stay up to date (screw working in social) and… actually living in the present.
I do think "The Great Logging Off" is coming... it might take five years, but I do think it will happen. I'm considering getting a flip phone (so I'm always reachable in an emergency) and leaving my iPhone anchored to a particular corner of my kitchen when I'm home. When I'm out, I still plan to bring my iPhone but maybe keep it in airplane mode so I can take pics. Whoever solves the "dumb phone dilemma" will be a billionaire lol
Thanks for putting my intuitions into words! For what it’s worth: I have two phones, an iphone that I leave at home and a flip phone that I take to work and carry around. It’s an imperfect solution but far better than having everything bundled into one device. I am increasingly alarmed and angry about how these things have stolen big parts of our lives. Resist!
loved this!!! obviously many reasons to critique the dominance of smartphones in our lives, but a big one is that they often kill the FLIRTATIOUS ENERGY and EXCITEMENT of life!!! things should be spontaneous and fleeting and unrecorded and unverifiable from time to time!! let life be lived in the moment instead of recorded live and overanalyzed later!
"let life be lived in the moment instead of recorded live and overanalyzed later!"
🎯🎯
YES thank you im so prone to overanalysis and it just kills any and all flavor! Like chewing your food until it’s tasteless
yess!! life has lost its thrill, its sexiness, the extreme breath of life is depleting and we are just here as time flies.
"You know what, maybe I go to a restaurant and it’s bad. Maybe I don’t know what’s good on the menu before I get there." This is what i dislike so much about the internet. My husband will google the band setlist before we get to the concert and it INFURIATES me. I will be like "dont tell me!" 🙉🙈 I want just the smallest amount of surprise and delight or disappointment that isn't manipulated via the magical device of opinions, reviews, and preconceived notions.
Yes - this 100%! I recently wrote a newsletter about my frustration with everybody wanting travel tips, which stores to shop in, which restaurants to eat at, which sights to see... Go experience for yourself!!
I never thought of it this way 🤔
This is how I feel about travel. I once drove all the way across the country and back with a thin book of paper maps and one guide to roadside attractions. I went to Turkey for a month with a Let's Go guide, and then half way through we lost the guide, so we just rolled into each town and asked people what we should do when we got there. You had 2-3 rolls of film and you'd get maybe 10 usable photos out of it. Now when I travel every element is assessed to make sure it's got the highest rating and we're maximizing every moment and not wasting time with marginal activities and the result is that if every moment isn't a 10/10 it's kind of disappointing. And of course everything must be documented, every picture enhanced, and everything curated and captioned. There's magic in just half-assing things sometimes.
“If every moment isn’t a 10/10 it’s kind of disappointing” feels like it applies to so much these days.
Have you ever tried watching the movie without a trailer? It is an enlightening experience.
Well, that was an interesting take on a life that I surely missed out on. I mean, I totally missed the bus on that. I STILL don't have a phone. The closest I get to the dopamine rush everyone talks about is what I find here. By not having a phone, people have asked me, what do you do in an emergency? Well, what constitutes an emergency? A flat tire? I get out and fix it, because I know how. I don't have to Google it. If your car breaks down? I Hitchhike to the nearest garage?
Never having had a phone, I've never had to deal with the angst. I see people on transit, and out of the ten I see, seven are on their phones, one is napping, and two are reading books, or doing the daily crossword. I sit and people watch. I daydream. I work on snatches of dialogue in my head and try to hold onto them until I get home and can type them into my story. I look at the river as we cross the bridge; I watch children playing in the park, they're parents on their phones and ignoring them while I think to myself they are missing the greatest part of life: Their own children.
It's not that my life is easier without a phone. Sure, it would be easier in a lot of different ways. But why do I have to scroll through my day reading a screen, when I could be reading a book, or writing a book, or simply just sitting on a bench watching the waves roll in? If WW3 breaks out, and they launch the nukes, everyone that has a phone is going to panic. All hell is going to break loose. But me, I'll be walking on the beach, look up and say, Wow, check out that bright flash. The end.
"If WW3 breaks out, and they launch the nukes, everyone that has a phone is going to panic. All hell is going to break loose. But me, I'll be walking on the beach, look up and say, Wow, check out that bright flash. The end."
True. Ignorance can definitely be Bliss!
Ben, it sounds like you've found a way to stay present and connected to the world around you in a meaningful way.
How do you think others might benefit from adopting some of your practices, even if they continue to use their phones?
It’s really funny. Addiction is addiction, right? I was just talking to my son about it tonight, saying that we didn’t want to get him a Nintendo when he was a kid, because we thought he was too young. But my brother-in-law comes over and gives him one while we’re at work, and that was all she wrote. He couldn’t even read, and he was playing the games. My son said: People are just looking for the dopamine hit every time they look at their phones. You’re never gonna beat that.
And I guess he’s right. I’d probably be the same if I had one, which is why I don’t want one. I think that’s the difference. I can recognize that it’s a trap for most people, and so stay away from it. We all have our addictions, though. People can’t control the phone addiction because it has too much to offer. Movies? A guy at work used to watch movies all day. Games? 6:00 am and another guy is playing “Angry Birds,” to kill the time. Encyclopedias; books; videos; music. Needless to say, the genie is out of the bottle.
People go for walks, they take their phones; they lay on the beach, their phone is beside them; go out for dinner, phones on the table beside the dessert spoon. I don’t know if there is an answer. We’re a generation that's wired into the Net.
I asked my daughter and son-in-law, considering the advances in science and engineering, do they feel there could be a colony on the moon in their lifetime? A colony in which children are actually born on the moon. They are both in their thirties. I was 11 when they landed on the moon. My neighbour was that old when the Wright brothers flew the first manned flight in 1903.
They said yes. So that kid looking at his phone all day on his holiday break? Who am I to say it’s wrong, when he could be the one that solves whatever techno question the world faces in forty years from now…like how to make gravity work in a Lunar Colony?
But maybe, just maybe, this next generation coming up will recognize that having an iPhone when you’re ten is maybe a little young. “It’s for safety, so they can be in touch all the time.” As a kid, who the Hell wants that? NOT having a phone would be freeing. Maybe the next generation will tell themselves that kids need to be kids, like they used to be in the “olden days.”
It’s becoming quite terrifying. Increasingly, I see people out walking dogs and simultaneously staring at their phones. I see people walking with their children, or pushing pushchairs down the pavement and looking at their phones. Something I’ve noticed recently is that more and more people, when they talk on the phone in public, leave the speaker on. It used to be that they would hold the phone to their ear, then maybe that they would’ve used had a headphone of some sort but now it’s like people are oblivious to the outside world entirely. Will the next generation see things differently? I think you’re optimistic. The next generation is the one that will have no memory at all of how things were in those prelapsarian, analog times. No way back for them, I fear…
I like to be an optimist, but really, the glass is half empty…so pour more wine in it!
Great points, thank you Ben.
You’ve proven not having a phone has many perks, but you’ve also shown, albeit unwittingly, that it certainly isn’t modesty. All jokes aside, I think you’re doing it the right way. I’m in a similar position.
As someone who was in her late teens/early 20s at that time, I can confirm that it was a sexy, heady time to be running around and I often think back to this period specifically. I clearly remember when and where I was when I was learning how to text on my flip phone, but still loved going to my apartment to listen to my message machine. Cell phones were a luxury then, similar to an appliance like a dishwasher. You still had the desire to go out and make contact with other people and press your flesh against someone once in a while.
Ha! The luxury of cell phones as appliances like dishwashers is a great analogy.
Despite the burgeoning digital connectivity, there was still a strong desire from humans for real-world interactions and physical presence.
It’s a reminder of how much has changed...
Whoever desires what is not gone? No one. -so wrote Anne Carson I believe. Something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. How Eros depends on distance, and we are somehow both suffocatingly close to everybody and yet far apart, but not in a way that creates desire. Loved the “Roman emperor” line.
I love your comment.
Thank you Anni!
Titanic has been added to Netflix and I watched it last night for the first time in 25 years. Consequently, the all-seeing algorithm immediately suggested a video titled 'All Deleted Scenes' on Youtube. The compilation includes an alternative ending, where Mr. Lovett catches Rose in action before she is about to drop the diamond into the ocean. It's a very poignant scene and it would've made for a beautiful ending if this was Mr. Lovett POV story. Rose then tells him when he desperately wishes to stop her hand from throwing the diamond in the water: "You look for treasure in the wrong place, Mr. Lovett. Only life is priceless. And making each day count. " If the latter is the homage to Jack's line and 'meet me at the clock' scene, then 'Only life is priceless' is definitely Rose's theme in this whole movie, from her upbringing to being saved by Jack and making a life for herself without Cal's money.
I fear everyday that we'll irrevocably mistake the recording of our lives by any digital means available with a physical act of living it.
Mr. Lovett lets go and asks Rose's granddaughter to come dance with him once the spell has been broken and he’s watched the longest quest of his life disappear before his eyes, forever.
I wish we could break free, just the same.
Deleted Tik Tok as soon as i finished reading this
You are a stronger person than I
It's ok bc muscle memory is stronger. I'm now watching Reels
now you should delete instagram too!
I deleted instagram maybe a month ago for this exact reason. Currently loving it, if I get the urge to check I bring it up on my iPad and put on a 20 minute timer. My friends text me things they want to actually show me, life is good :)
👁️👄👁️
Such a good read. Reclaiming my attn span one sub stack at a time and this was so great. Thank you!
I’d say phones/social media make us extremely anxious in dating as well. You shouldn’t freak out when a guy/girl doesn’t text you back and you see them active on IG?? maybe they just want some peace/alone time lol. It’s given us too much access to people. We used to be able to only reach our crushes by calling their house phone and leaving a VM if they weren’t home. If they were home, THEN you can talk. Now I’m seeing everything you’re doing on your IG story. I know so much about you without even having a conversation lol. It’s weird.
My lord the amount of quotables in this post... ‼️Thank you so much for writing such an incredible piece. The negative, far reaching consequences of "always on, always instant internet gratification" is horrifying. And I am part of the problem! There's "always something" I can be on my phone for under the guise of "I need to get this done, or look this up" etc. Sigh. This is the kind of article that sticks with you, and I am committed to practicing living LIFE through the lens of the here and now, unknowns and all, NOT through my screen. 💛
The quotes, yes! So many lines hit JUST right for me and articulated what I've been thinking on in the back of my head for a while now. Saving this to re-read again for sure.
Agreed!! I plan on coming back to re-read, too. 🙏
I miss just going to a movie or renting one and judging it on my own merits, not whether it was recommended to me or had an aggregate score of 98% on a review site. Buying an entire album and listening to the whole thing, whether it was terrible or not, actually figuring out which songs I enjoyed, not what Spotify put on my playlist, and not skipping to another band, since that was all the new music I had til my next paycheck. I just miss the annoying things that made me appreciate the good things, whether I knew it or not. You’re right- it all feels so… boring.
that last line hits...
Love always endures...
I have struggled with trying to explain why things seemed better when we didn’t have access to everything and have the knowledge of everything at our fingertips. I remember once in the late 80s I read about a band in Thrasher magazine (who exactly is lost in time) and they sounded great but I knew there was no radio station in my town that would play that kind of music and there was no music store where I lived that would sell that kind of music. I had no way of ever hearing that band.
That is of course unless I did some real research, maybe write a letter to the magazine or found out which label put out the band’s cassette and then I could take the leap and pay the $7.99 and see what it was all about myself. That sort of research and risk is completely gone at this point.
Nice article, I think you’re putting into words what may be coming around the corner for a lot of us who’s longing for a little simpler time keeps getting stronger every day.
Honestly had not thought of this particular angle, but, yeah you are so right. Definitely here for less scrolling, more wanderlust. Less internet rabbit holes and more just being in the present moment.
This is my new manifesto. Gorgeous, thank you.
This week alone I’ve come across a Tweet and a few YouTube videos of people transitioning to “dumb” phones. I suppose it’s a sign 🫣 Constantly juggling between wanting to digitally document my lived experience, network, put myself there (read: perform?), stay up to date (screw working in social) and… actually living in the present.
I do think "The Great Logging Off" is coming... it might take five years, but I do think it will happen. I'm considering getting a flip phone (so I'm always reachable in an emergency) and leaving my iPhone anchored to a particular corner of my kitchen when I'm home. When I'm out, I still plan to bring my iPhone but maybe keep it in airplane mode so I can take pics. Whoever solves the "dumb phone dilemma" will be a billionaire lol
Thanks for putting my intuitions into words! For what it’s worth: I have two phones, an iphone that I leave at home and a flip phone that I take to work and carry around. It’s an imperfect solution but far better than having everything bundled into one device. I am increasingly alarmed and angry about how these things have stolen big parts of our lives. Resist!
I purchased a Lightphone 2 and it changed my life. Lightphone 3 will have a camera, at which point we will have the ultimate smartphone killer.
Check out the Light Phone!
This is my exact plan!